quietly plugging away

i've been quiet..
i had been struggling....

but i am succeeding and am winning the fight...

no longer on diabetic medication.....
my last set of blood samples no longer indicated i was a diabetic...completely normal!

my weight is going in the right direction...

and although i have spinal injuries from meningitis in 2009, i am getting dressed everyday, i am out walking all the time, i get dressed even on my days off and get out of the house and i read a very special person's blog all the time to keep me motivated...

i have to be honest, i can't eat the stuff she eats..lol...and i will most likely never run a marathon but i read and watch quietly and do what i can to stay motivated.

 i really wanted to run...i was going to get a tattoo with my first bib number on it ....i registered and picked up my kit for the resolution run dec 2011 and the number was perfect ...2712....71 is my birth year and 22 has always been a great number for me....unfortunately, training for the 5 k (i'm sure some of you remember my stupid videos..lol) i started to hear crunching sounds in my upper neck...after a ct and mri, it was determined that i have disks that were damaged by the meningitis and the pounding and the weight caused more damage....i had an option.. keep running and hope i don't end up in a wheelchair, or find something else to do...i chose the later...
but i will still register for race weekend for the 3km walk...i'm down, but not out...

the eating part is easy now.  i belong to herbal magic...i get weighed in almost everyday and am provided counselling and one on one real time with an eating expert... they are educated with medical issues and you eat real food from the kitchen.. just portioned right and a little more often throughout the day...
i tipped the scales at my highest weight ever not too long ago, but i am proud to say that i am doing great, losing the weight, and proud of every ounce of weight i keep off....this week alone i am doing 7,2lbs...
i no longer have cravings at night, my blood sugar is stable and i feel calm all day long...it's a different life...completely different.

i have stopped hiding and started going out more and enjoying every day, the sunshine and embracing life with a new attitude...

not perfect....but trying....

I want to teach my children that their mom is a fighter...and when the going gets rough, the rough does not head for the refrigerator anymore....we go out, grab the iPod and walk the frustrations away..and we pray for guidance...

quietly plugging away...

Pushing Through...

so I have been out 5 times so far in about a 2 week span... I had to take 4 days off because of a bad chest cold. I had actually gone out running when the cold had started and felt horrible. The doctor recommended I take it easy and heal then get back at it..
And that's what I have done..

Yesterday was my first day back and I decided to walk to entire 5 kms.  I want to see how long it was and mapped out a path that would get me home at the exact 5 kms mark.... of course, I failed to think of the hills and construction.. but I did it.. I can say that I lightly jogged a few times to see how I felt, but for the most part I walked it and it took me about an hour.
I have 3 months to train for my first ever 5km run on January 1st...
I get nervous just thinking about it...

I am off to the doctors today for a check up and for her to listen to my lungs and get my knees x-ray'd...I'm having some issues with them...
The thing about me though is that once I get an idea in my head and I mean it.. I go for it...
Even if my knees hurt and are swollen and even if I have a cold...

So my goal in the next 2 weeks is to be able to pick up the pace...go a little further while running...
I am also looking into the gym... a friend of mine told me that if my core was stronger, that I would feel better.... so I am looking into that. I really like the Athletic club.. they have pools and I would love to be able to do some swimming and aqua aerobics!!!
I'm still not so sure Yoga is for fat people, but I have another hot yoga friend of mine who has decided it's her mission to get me in a class....umm.. we'll see about that...

I have also sat down and planned out meals and counted calories...
Being sick was tough to stay focused, but for the most part, I did ok...

SO I'm back, still have a runny nose and a cough, but I feel much better and am even back to work...so here I go...

If you are on my Facebook, I had started a little series of videos while I was out running....but then, I watched myself  after I received emails from people telling me how brave I was for doing that...
Umm.. I look like crap and can't believe I did that, so I'm not sure I will continue them, but I am documenting every step to remind me how hard this really is...
Because this is hard...
No pills can fix it..
No magic surgery...
No denying it...

It's really freakin hard....but it's all I can think about...

so for all those who are just starting to smarten up or get started in their own way.. I send you hugs and heating pads and a little A535...let's get 'er done!!!!

no picture..
no excuses...
no more...
this is it..
my real journey to health and wellness has begun....

for almost a year I have read and watched as my friend Katie has taken her life by the reigns and soared to heights that are truly amazing.. I have read and I have watched...in awwwe of her..
everyday I would cheer from the computer and read her words and celebrate her accomplishments....she is still accomplishing her goals everyday...

she is real, and motivating and all woman...a woman who cries, a woman who has battled eating issues, a woman who farts...i mean it doesn't get more real than that... right?

it has been almost 2 years since I had meningitis....a bacteria that nearly cost me my life ...so you'd think that i would get off my ass and get going.. celebrate life...enjoy everyday...
unfortunately, that's not real life at my house...
***my number one goal was to be well enough physically and emotionally to get back to work and get back to supporting my family and i did that...it only took me 15 months, but i was finally well enough to go back to work...

***my number 2 goal was to get my diabetes in check... unfortunately meningitis made a mess of my body on the inside and i have been pumping myself with so much insulin that my body was becoming insulin resistant and my sugars were horrifically out of control all the time... BUT !!!! On August 11th of this year when I saw my endocrinologist, she gave me a new drug and where i used to take over 250 units of insulin a day to keep  my numbers in the mid teens....i take 1.2 mls of this new drug a day and my sugar has not been over 7 since....they call it the diabetic cure... VICTOZA....
it comes with some side effects that i had to get over... but after about a month or so, i told the doctor that i felt "weird"...she said no Dorrie.. you are feeling normal...this is what normal feels like.. no heart palpitations, or high blood pressure or headaches or always feeling angry....THIS IS NORMAL....
and it's true.. i feel calm and less hungry and  off high blood pressure meds.. no heart issues...

***my third goal was to finish something I started last year... i began to run for a 5 k race January 1st...and I started.. I was doing ok at best.. i would puke after a km..could barely life my feet off the ground and after a fall in the parking lot at work, i hurt my knee and hip pretty bad and that was reason enough for me to not do it...
i wasn't ready.. let's be real... 1 year post meningitis.. i wasn't strong enough, my body was not ready for it and unfortunately i didn't have the patience to accept it all ..so i pushed and i hated it...
i really really hated it...

so i continued to watch others...and cheer them on...and never once did i feel sorry for myself...

i'm 40.. i'm a big girl...the decisions i make are my own, i will be ready when i am ready...

and then i talked to my dad a week ago... my dad is a brittle diabetic with severe renal failure...and is on dialysis for 9.5 hours a night every day....he 's dying and he is 60 years old... he wouldn't listen to his body, he wouldn't listen to the doctors and he once told me that he wouldn't talk to me about his issues because he didn't want any uneducated advise... UNEDUCATED ADVISE!!!
ok then...

again i thought i'm 40, i'm a big girl ....the decisions i make are my own and i will be ready when i am ready...

so i came home friday night after working 11 days straight and registered for the Resolution Run on January 1st.  i registered.. i paid.. i'm signed up and the next day i tied my new running shoes up and went out the door...
 i wasn't a 100 meters out and my shins hurt....i could feel my hips burn....and my lower back was definitely reminding me i had a lower back...lol...and it was slow...26 mins and 46 seconds  to walk/run 2.5 kms....

today i am sore and my shins and sore and my back is sore and when i got up this morning i thought ...it's sore because i got exercise...so i got grace ready for the bus and i thought i might change my direction and try to go farther... i can hear my friend Sheri in my head saying"if you've done it, you've done it.. now do something else..move on.. challenge yourself".....but i figured that my time was crappy and although i ran or lightly jogged most of it on saturday.. today i wanted to do better time wise and pick up the pace a little... and i did ..24.56 seconds for the same distance...
my iphone was playing some amazing music...
Jesus Take the Wheel came on and i cried the whole time... i threw my hands in the air and thanked God for getting me up and out and making me feel alive again....i ran the entire song....

so not a huge difference but enough of one that i can see my goal for January 1st... to run my 5 k in about 35 mins. ..

my new meds have kickstarted to weight loss and i lost 5 kgs in the first couple of weeks i was on it...the weight part did stabilize now that i can eat more without feeling sick... so that's where the exercise will start helping...

otherwise, i am grateful to have my own set of cheerleaders and great women who have lead the way and let me ask questions and continue to inspire me...

it's the beginning...and for the first time in a long time... i am proud...to have done it.. and want to continue "doing it"...

If you really want to do something, you'll find a way. If you don't, you'll find an excuse.


~ Jim Rohn

i have begun my journey....

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

so... i know i have been absent...
many reasons...
i can list a bunch of excuses...but there is no real excuse other than an injury and forgetting about myself again.

These past few months have been hard and disappointing in many ways. There is no "prettying" it up. I was on a mission...one that I promised myself and others I would complete. Unfortunately, this will not be the year I get to run in my first 5k race.
A couple of weeks ago, I ran with my best friend and another friend of mine...I think week 4 day 2 of the c25k program...I ran, I puked, I felt horrible during the running and not too bad afterwards.
But I was in A LOT of pain for a few days after and tried to walk my 5 K instead of running but I could barely get my right foot in my running shoe.
So I went and got it looked at and of course I have a stress fracture on the top of my foot and I am to wear an air cast and stay off it as much as I can. I don't wear the cast and I just took it as my way out of running the race.
Honestly, I think that this was the first step in my demise, the beginning of a little depression that set in.
And when I get depressed, I eat...a lot!
I also started working straight days as I take on new responsibility at work. It's been almost 8 years since I have worked 5 days in a row...it's tough.. i'm tired and I think I was trying to prove that I was 100% recovered from a very difficult year.

I'm not sure I was.

And finally 2 weeks ago, I was at work and fell hard in the parking lot. I have hurt my right hip and smashed my knee up pretty good...so now i have a little limp and more to add to my list of excuses.

So as I am 1 week from my 40th birthday, I am searching for myself...I am searching for motivation that comes from within...I am searching for a much happier me.

It's time to no longer make excuses...
It's time to not sit back and be happy for others who are looking after themselves...

It's time to take a good hard look in the mirror and decide that health is THE most important thing to me and my family this year.

no resolutions...i hate resolutions... any one who makes them usually don't keep them...
but i have a few ideas for 2011!!

pray more
spend more time in The Word
focus on myself a little everyday...
spend more time with my real friends.
no more excuses
be smarter
forgive myself
love harder

I could use all the support I can muster up...so if anyone is looking to make some personal changes...let's motivate each other... let's grab hold and say "weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" as we go for a ride.

i signed up for a 5k on dec 31.. trying to run more and walk less...
sore back and sore shins....
i still hate it...
and i am slower than molasses in january...
but i want to keep going...
i guess that's the best thing that has come out of this...

and my bff Melinda... who also is NOT a runner... decided to join in too!!! i am so excited...
so there are 4 of us training now... (at least that i know of) and i can't wait...
well i can... i mean i have to run 5 k... but that will mean that i made it...
never mind the lbs shed...
1 goal at a time...

time to shower... i am soaked!