Taking the Wins with the Loses

this has been a week of mixed emotions...

i have been successful on the scale and yet felt a bit defeated at the gym...

i just lost my 20th lb in 4.5 weeks....23.5 inches from head to toe....and i am thrilled...i feel great!!!! 

i've dropped uniform sizes, people can tell a little and are commenting on my successes....

i have never looked for pats on the back or my name in lights anywhere, but i'll tell ya, it sure does feel nice once in a while...i was told by someone once that i was self centred and selfish, and i believed her...but i now know that i am neither of those things, and sometimes people say things because their own life is miserable...and i am a firm believer that we teach people how to treat us, and i will never all anyone to treat me like that again...and thankfully that person is not in my life anymore...and i am taking control of my life, making sure that i am here for a long time and looking after my family and if that makes me selfish, then i'm the most selfish person ever....

i joined Goodlife Fitness and last thursday was my first day there. i was met by my friend Katie who ran me through the fit-fix...it's a strength workout that says all over the place should take about 20  mins to complete but i think we were there for over an hour going through each of the machines after our 5 mins warm up....it was my first day, i didn't use too much weight and i learned how to properly use the machines....it was great...Katie has been an amazing inspiration and when she had her turn on the machines, i could only wish to look like that someday....i so appreciate her insight and friendship....amazing!!!!

feeling ambitious, i went back on friday and did a 45 min pump class and a 30 min CXWorx class....and although i did not die, at the end, i was finished....the pump class was so amazing.. i felt powerful and even shed a few tears of pride....the music is phenomenal and it makes you feel invincible...

CXWORX is a core work out with bands and crunches and omg.....so not for a beginner .. but i did it and i did like it.. i just think the next time, i'll do it on it's own....

i worked nights all weekend and last minute monday night I went to the gym with my friend Kim who convinces me that this RPM spinning class would be a fantastic addition to my workout regime. i had not even sat on the bike and i knew that this was all wrong for me.... calves were cramping , my hoo-haw was burning after the first few movements on the bike, my toes went numb ....i sweat... oh yes i did... and i lasted till the end of the 50 mins of hell but i'm not sure that this is the right class for me... i didn't enjoy it at all.....so i felt defeated here... defeated by a crotch pounding bike....i looked new in the class, i felt like i failed there and i know it was only my first time, but everyone came out of that class excited except me....i pulled muscles in the back of my knee and still today it's very painful.....but the only way i will stay motivated is if i enjoy the class, and i know everyone thinks this class is fantastic, but i will try some of the other ones and see where i can fit it in to my busy schedule...

but i am enjoying the gym , which surprises me a little....the feeling or the "high" you get from it when you are done is crazy....i've never really belonged to a gym before and knowing that i have extremely supportive friends that will make sure i go, makes me feel like i can really reach the fitness the goals i am setting out to achieve...

so that is my last week of redefining myself.....

and I do have to mention another friend who joined Herbal Magic a few days before me....I won't say her name but she has lost over 22lbs and is going to the gym too....and i figure between the two of us we have lost an entire "Grace"...my daughter weighs 40++ lbs.... 

we do a check in at every weigh in and encourage each other to carry on.. and i am so very very thankful for her.... so thankful....

so i am off to work another couple of night shifts and and hopefully with a few days off my knee can heal and i'll be back at 'er on Friday!!!!

Here are a few numbers...

Starting weight 238

Current weight 218

Inches lost  23.5 at the end of 4 weeks

Sugar 6.0 average

Insulin taken 0

Blood pressure 120/75

Times at the gym  4 in the first week

I'd say i'm doing ok.....

xo 

   

it's amazing really the job that i have...
i love it...
it has it's absolute crazy moments, there is sadness and anger at what some people do to themselves and each other...
throughout the course of a 12 hour shift, i experience many emotions...
and let's be real here, i am an emotional eater...

i get 2 15 minute breaks and 2 30 minute lunches per shift and you'd have thought that i had to stuff every single calorie i could find in my mouth during that time or i wouldn't survive the rest of the shift.
lunch time usually involved a trip to Wendy's or subway or McDonald's...easy, fast and never ever made me feel good.. yet I did it anyway...and I have been doing this job for 7.5 years.

today i am a different person...
i take into consideration my breaks and lunches and carefully calculate and measure all portions for my entire day at work...i don't bring  my debit card..i don't bring money....
i have completely changed my behaviour towards food...

and the best part is that i am completely satisfied.

the slightest modifications sometimes make the best and most amazing impacts in our daily lives.
i am still at that point right now where i am afraid to go and eat out because of all the oils and and sodium and sugar that i have taken out of my diet...i just have to learn how to order things i imagine...

i have been on Herbal Magic for 3 weeks now and I have lost 14 lbs...I only had a chance to weigh in last tuesday (so i'm not sure if there are any other decreases...but i can tell a little that there may be :) ).
i normally weigh in 3-4 times a week to make sure i keep on track, but with work and shifts and overtime and training sessions all this week, it's been insane..
but i have kept to the plan  and i am proud to be where i am...

since having Grace, this has been one of the most difficult things to deal with... i hate the fat...
i try to accept myself the way i am, but i have never accepted it....now i have taken the steps to make it better not only for today, but for always...

i went down a pant size at work, and i picked up new ones.... the old ones were immediately disposed of... there is no going back...
i feel better than i have in a long time....

oh and one of my goals this year is to do the testing for Ottawa Fire... they test every two years, and applications start in May...physical testing is in November....so i may be calling on a friend to help me out here, but i have to increase my upper body strength and my cardio if i even want a shot at not looking like a jackass...lol....

thank you for the emails and support... i so appreciate it...
xo