Milestones!

well, i'll say it again....

March 23/2012 was the first day of my new life. 

4 months later:

i'm still a work in progress...

i still struggle everyday, but it's a good struggle...one that i look forward to. 

the gym kills me...it's hard and i swear at my trainer on a daily basis...

the eating kills me...to have to think about every bite that goes in my mouth, somedays, consumes me. 

finding balance is a problem sometimes...

finding time to enjoy life is a problem sometimes...

being ok with letting it all go for a weekend away with the girls is a problem sometimes...

the guilt i feel is starting to lessen if i have a "cheat day"...

but the disappointment of having gained 2 lbs after said weekend away or cheat day is devastating to me...

i'm learning to cope and understand the "numbers" and not be consumed by them...

i have a great life. 

i feel blessed..

i feel healthy..

i feel strong..

i feel like i no longer have to make excuses to NOT wear a bathing suit. I just put it on and embrace the stretch marks.

i feel a little more confident  and have a little more self esteem. 

i finally feel like I am worth the effort...

As of today...54 lbs lost in 4 months and  i am worth every penny i spent on running and training shoes, work out clothes, trainers, gym membership, Herbal Magic...all of it....

i am worth the effort...

Current weight is 184!!!!

i'm in the 180's!!!! holy freakin shit! 

it still blows my mind!

my goal is 175...we'll see when i get there if i can lose a little more, but i am trying to be realistic too!

i'm not the only person who has had a weight loss journey, and thank heaven's there were others before me that i have learned from and watched with admiration...to all the women who came before me, struggle with me and have yet taken the first step...thank you.. thank you for inspiring me on the most difficult of days....i am grateful for you all!

wanna see a pic?

it's just before the gym today...

i find my legs are looking a little "manly" and i have the flapper  arms... lol...but it's where i'm at today and i am starting to embrace the whole new me!

xx